My twelve-year-old packed her bag four times tonight. The pinnies, the right shoes, the water bottle that doesn’t leak, the spare hair tie because she lost two at last week’s clinic. I watched her line them up and put them in and take them out and put them back in.
She is trying to make the A team. I am pretending I have an opinion about what should be in the bag, because I think it helps her to have someone in the room.
I have learned not to talk about tryouts the night before tryouts.
Two seasons ago, the night before, I asked her how she was feeling. She fell apart. Not because of tryouts. Because the question put a magnifying glass on the thing she was already thinking about. I would have done the same.
So now I just sit in her room. I fold the towel that came out of the dryer. I ask her if she wants me to braid her hair in the morning or if she’s going to do it. I do not ask her how she’s feeling.
When she’s ready, she’ll tell me. Or she won’t. Either is fine.
The thing the night before tryouts is for is presence. Not pep talk. Presence. You sitting on the bed, being a person who is on her side, not asking anything of her.
If your kid is trying out for something tomorrow, here is what worked in our house. Pack the bag together. Make a normal dinner. Do something dumb after dinner — we usually watch a single episode of something we have already seen. Go to bed at the normal time.
Don’t ask how they are feeling. Don’t tell them you believe in them. They know.
Just be in the same room.
— Maren