Your daughter or son has been in dance class for four years.
They’re 11 or 12 now.
And they’re watching older dancers go on pointe.
“When can I go on pointe?” they ask.
You ask the teacher.
The teacher says: “Not yet. Maybe next year.”
Your kid is devastated.
Why they’re asking
Going on pointe is a visible marker that you’re a “real dancer.”
The pointe dancers look more advanced. More serious. More like ballerinas.
Your kid sees that and wants it.
Why the teacher says not yet
The teacher has a reason.
Maybe your kid’s ankles aren’t strong enough yet. Maybe their feet aren’t developed enough. Maybe they don’t have the required technique.
Going on pointe before you’re ready causes injuries.
The teacher knows this. That’s why they’re saying no.
What your kid hears
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m behind.”
“I’m not a real dancer yet.”
That’s the hard part. Not the physical readiness. The identity piece.
What you want to say
“You’re not ready yet, and that’s fine. The teacher will tell you when you are.”
But your kid doesn’t want to hear that.
What actually works
“I know you want to go on pointe. A lot of dancers feel that way. Your teacher has a reason for saying not yet. It’s not because you’re not good. It’s because your body needs more time to get strong enough. Going on pointe before your feet are ready causes injuries. So the teacher is protecting you.
Keep working the way you are. Your feet are getting stronger. In another year, you’ll probably be ready. And when you are, your teacher will tell you.”
This says:
- Your desire is legitimate
- The teacher’s decision is protective, not punitive
- There’s a path forward
The year of waiting
That’s what you’re asking your kid to do. Wait.
And during that year, their job is to keep dancing, keep strengthening, keep improving in the ways that lead to going on pointe.
Not to resent the teacher. Not to feel sorry for themselves. Just to keep working.
Why this is actually important
A lot of injuries in young dancers happen because they went on pointe too early.
The teacher is using real physical criteria, not arbitrary rules.
Trust the teacher on this.
What you watch for
Is your kid still enjoying dance? Or has the waiting made them resentful?
If they’re enjoying it and just impatient, you’re fine.
If they’re starting to resent the teacher or the other dancers, that’s a sign the waiting is getting toxic.
If the resentment is real
Have a conversation:
“I notice you’re feeling frustrated about pointe. That’s okay. And I also want to make sure you’re not starting to hate dance because of it. If this is making you unhappy, we can talk about other options.”
Some kids are fine waiting. Some kids aren’t.
If your kid is the second type, you might need to address it.
The thing the teacher might do
A good teacher will give your kid small ways to feel progress.
“You’re doing really well with your feet. Keep working on this specific thing and by next year you’ll be ready.”
This gives your kid something to work toward.
If the teacher is just saying no with no path forward, that’s not a good teacher.
The thing you don’t do
Don’t go around the teacher and try to get your kid on pointe anyway.
Don’t buy pointe shoes and let them practice at home.
Don’t tell your kid the teacher is wrong.
Why pointe matters
It’s not actually about the shoes.
It’s about your kid’s identity as a dancer shifting.
They want to feel like they belong in the more advanced group.
That’s real and it matters.
But the answer is still: work, wait, build strength, and then you’re ready.
The comparison trap
Your kid might be comparing themselves to a friend who is on pointe.
That friend might be older. Might have started earlier. Might be developmentally further along.
None of that means your kid isn’t good enough. It means they’re at a different point.
What you tell your kid
“You’re right where you’re supposed to be. Your teacher knows what they’re doing. Keep dancing. Your feet are getting stronger. And when you’re ready, you’ll go on pointe. That day will come.”
Then you drop it.
Stop asking the teacher. Stop talking about it with your kid.
Let it be a normal part of their dance life, not the defining issue.
The actual progression
Most dancers go on pointe between 11 and 13, depending on when they started, how often they take class, and how they develop.
It’s not a race. It’s not a verdict on talent.
It’s just a developmental marker.
The year goes by
Your kid keeps dancing.
Their feet get stronger. Their technique improves. They stop thinking about pointe as much.
And then one day at class, the teacher says: “You’re ready. Let’s get you fitted for pointe shoes.”
Your kid will remember wanting it.
They’ll remember the year of waiting.
And they’ll remember that the teacher was right.
Why this matters
This is your kid learning delayed gratification.
Learning that wanting something and not getting it immediately doesn’t mean it’s not coming.
Learning that there’s a reason for the wait even if they don’t love the reason.
Learning to trust an expert.
These are adult skills. And your kid is building them now.
The thing you don’t know yet
Your kid might get on pointe and realize they don’t actually love it as much as they thought.
Or they might love it.
Either way, the year of waiting will have been the right call.
It’s not about punishing your kid. It’s about protecting their feet and teaching them that sometimes you work toward a goal that doesn’t come immediately.
The final thing
Tell the teacher: “Thank you for protecting my kid’s development. I trust your judgment.”
Then actually trust it.
Your kid will learn to trust it too.
And when they finally go on pointe, it will mean more because they earned it.