Your son made a great pass. You stood up and yelled, YES! THAT’S MY BOY!
He looked over from the field with an expression that was not gratitude. It was embarrassment. Possibly disgust.
The rules.
Cheer the team, not your kid by name
Great pass! lands. Great pass, Eli! makes him want to disappear.
The team cheer is for everyone. The named cheer is for the parent.
Match the volume to the field
Indoor gym, six fans on each side. Cheer like a normal person.
Outdoor field, fifty parents. You can be a little louder.
When you are louder than everyone else, you are the loud parent. Your kid hears you across the field. So does everyone else.
Don’t coach from the stands
Move up! Cover your mark! Get to the line!
Coaches coach. Parents cheer. The kid trying to listen to two voices plays worse than the kid hearing one.
Don’t yell at the ref
The kid sees you. The kid is embarrassed. The other parents are silently judging. The ref does not change the call.
Three things go wrong. Fix all three by saying nothing.
The clap is enough
Most great plays don’t need a yell. A loud clap with a smile is the right volume for most moments.
The yell is for the goal in the playoffs. Save it.
The exception
Five-year-olds love the named cheer. Go Mia! lands fine at six. By eight, it’s embarrassing.
Watch your kid’s face for the transition. By the time they look over with the grimace, you’ve crossed the line.
The “good play, kid” trap
Yelling encouragement to other people’s kids by name lands well. Nice play, Caleb! The kid feels seen.
Yelling encouragement at your own kid by name lands as pressure. The reverse-name rule.
The bench cheer
When your kid is on the bench, don’t yell come on coach, put him in! This humiliates your kid and irritates the coach.
Cheer for the kid on the field. The kid on the bench will get in. Or not. Either way, the bench cheer is not the move.
The walk-off rule
When your kid walks off the field after a hard game, don’t run to them. Wait. They come to you when they’re ready.
The post-game hug is theirs to initiate. The pre-emptive hug from a sprinting parent is its own embarrassment.
The good cheer to copy
Find the parent on your team who cheers well. The one whose kids smile at her, who claps for the team, who keeps it short. Watch what she does.
Steal her style. The kids will appreciate it.
The summary
Cheer the team. Match the volume. Skip the names. Stay seated. Clap more than you yell.
Your kid will be glad to look over and see you in the bleachers acting like a normal adult.
The “THAT’S MY BOY” cheer is a thing dads do in movies. It is not a thing your son wants to hear.