The college coach DM hits your kid’s Instagram. Or your kid’s TikTok. Or your kid’s email. Sometimes the message is real. Sometimes it is from a real coach but earlier than NCAA rules allow. Sometimes it is not from a coach at all.

The recruiting space has been a soft target for predators and traffickers for two decades because the framing dressing legitimizes the contact. Parents need to know how to read it.

The NCAA rules, by division and timing. Division I and II have specific contact-period rules that vary by sport. The general structure:

Before the start of recruiting in a sport (varies by sport, often June 15 after sophomore year or September 1 of junior year), college coaches cannot have direct contact with recruits or their families.

Contact during open periods can include phone calls, text, email, social media DMs, and in-person off-campus contact (subject to limits per week).

Recruits can email coaches and respond to outreach, but cannot receive certain types of recruiter-initiated contact before the calendar opens.

Each sport’s calendar is published at NCAA.org. The dates change occasionally.

Division III is more permissive. Less rigid contact rules, fewer scholarship implications. Most D3 communication is allowable any time after the recruit’s freshman year of high school.

NAIA, JUCO, and prep schools. Different rules for each. NAIA is the most permissive on early contact.

What this means for the DM your kid received. If a Division I or II coach in your kid’s sport sent a DM before the legal contact window opens, three possibilities. The coach is operating at a borderline (sometimes the rule allows the contact through a high school coach intermediary). The coach is breaking the rule (happens, NCAA enforcement is uneven). The coach is not actually a coach.

The predator vector. This is the part parents skip. People impersonate college coaches to make contact with minor athletes. They use real coaches’ names, real program logos, real social media handles that look right at first glance. The patterns:

DMs that immediately move from social platform to a private channel (“text me at this number,” “let’s switch to Snapchat”).

Requests for the kid’s home address, school schedule, or training schedule outside what’s needed for a campus visit.

Requests for photos or video that go beyond highlight-reel material.

DMs that bypass the family entirely. Real coaches who respect the family will copy parents into early communication.

The verification rule. Before any kid responds to recruiting outreach, two checks:

Does the message come from a verified or institutional channel (.edu email, blue-checked official program account)? An “athletic department” email at a college is verifiable; a Gmail address with the coach’s name is not.

Does the contact match the public NCAA contact calendar for the sport and the recruit’s grade? If a freshman gets a DM that should not happen until junior year, the message is suspect even if the coach is real.

For the parent. Recruiting communication should run through a parent-aware channel from the start. The parent does not have to be on every text, but should be CC’d on emails and aware of every coach DMing the kid. A coach who pushes back on parental visibility is a flag.

For the kid. The age-appropriate message at 14 to 17. “Real coaches contact you through proper channels and copy your parents. Anyone who asks you to keep contact secret, switch to a private app, or share information outside what’s normal for a campus visit is not someone you talk to without me.”

The reporting line. SafeSport investigates abuse and grooming patterns in covered organizations. The NCAA Office of Investigations investigates coach contact violations. Local law enforcement handles impersonation that crosses into criminal territory.

The honest part: the kid getting recruited at 14 is the kid most exposed to this. The protocols around recruiting communication are not about gatekeeping the kid’s future. They are about making sure the future is real.