Your kid made a big mistake. Here's what to say.
The dropped ball, the missed shot, the play that cost the game. The script that lets the mistake be a mistake without becoming an identity.
What they're feeling
- · Exposed.
- · Worried they let teammates down.
- · Replaying the moment on a loop.
- · Bracing for criticism from you.
What to say (pick one)
- "That happens to everyone who plays."
- "I'm proud of you for staying in it."
- "Want to talk about it now or later?"
Then stop talking.
What not to say
- "If you'd just..."
- "We've worked on that a hundred times."
- "You cost the game."
The rule
Mistakes are part of playing. Shame is not part of growing.
If they bring it up
- · Don't replay the mistake with them. They've already done it ten times.
- · If they want to talk technique, do it Tuesday with a coach, not in the car.
- · Name something they did right in the same game. Specific.
Save this
After a mistake
- · Mistakes happen. Shame doesn't help.
- · Don't replay it. They already are.
- · Name something specific they did right.
parentcoachplaybook.com/scripts
You might also need
Your kid had a bad game. Here's what to say.
What to say in the first 90 seconds when the game went badly. The script that protects the relationship and the rest of the week.
Your kid is upset after the game. Here's what to do.
Tears in the parking lot. Slamming the car door. Shutting down. The script for the moments words don't reach yet.
Your kid is silent in the car. Here's what to do.
Headphones on. Window seat. Nothing to say. The drive home when silence is the answer, not a problem to fix.